The beginning..

The title of my blog has never held more meaning than it does now..

So marks the precipice of the struggle to attain what was denied to me..

This day begins the march forward, and no longer back..

This is the beginning of my fury.

Back In Time

I know there are plenty of people out there that definitely would love to have the ability to go back in time to change an aspect of their past, so I figured this might be an interesting post to write. So I'm going to limit this to the thought that I have only one opportunity to go back in time and change one thing that happened in my past. I guess I'm a bit strange in that I don't particularly want to go back in time to change anything as I feel everything that has happened has made me who I am today, so I'm going to also go with the stipulation that I -HAVE- to go back.



Alright then, I've got only one thing that I can change, and I have to do it..

I think the absolute only thing I would change would have to be my education. Sure, I'm getting it right now, but if I had done all the things in the past then that I am now, I'd at the least have an MBA by this time today. What exactly would I change to be sure that my past self is going to class and making grades? Hm, tough question. Where did the troubles start?

I think the first thing I would do is tell myself to sell my trailer and move back home. Honestly, at the time I didn't have the finances available to keep up with the place as it was and furthermore it was just too tempting a place to make into a bachelor pad. Also, I never needed the hassle of shady trailer park neighbors and a shitty, pestering landlord.  Ok, so somehow I've convinced my past self to move back home.. now what?

From there, I think I'd tell myself to sell my car. The minivan was nice and all, but the transmission went all too soon. I'd try and convince myself that I needed to save money and ride in with my parents to classes. Saving the money would help pay for a newer, more reliable car and riding in with my parents to class would have hopefully encouraged me to go to class more.

Well, now that I'm back home, saving money, riding in with my parents - what's next? I'd make damn sure that my past self knew never, ever, EVER to schedule a class before 10:00am and if possible, 11:00. This has been my motto since being back in school and it's working very well. Most people say that you don't learn to your highest potential at any time other than early in the morning hours. I'd make sure that my past self knew this was a load of horse-caca and that I just didn't have the discipline to be going to class that early in the morning anyway.

From there I'd convince myself that I never needed to take more than 4 classes in a semester, ever. But I'd also encourage that I take one class in the winter term and at least one class during each summer term. If possible, I'd make sure that my past self knew that I should take online classes every chance I had.

So, I think the final thing that I'd let my past self know about is the organization that I've learned from my girlfriend. It probably seems so simple to everyone else, but I needed to be taught to get at least a 1-inch binder and have dividers for each class. I'd also make sure that my past self knew to have a heading for each class period with the class title and date.

Just before leaving to head back to the present, I'd remind my past self that with at least 90% attendance and taking the time to read my notes once a night I'm nearly guaranteed a C in every class.



Hopefully, I'd be coming back to a much more successful self.

Fathers' Rights

Disclaimer:

This is not an attempt at legal advice, nor is it the know-all guide to what is and what should be. Every case is different! Know the ins and outs of yours and take this as it is - simple advice from me to you.

Furthermore, this is not an attempt at sexist or biased information - enough of that exists with everything in place as it is.. Most of these steps and hints can (and in my opinion should) be applied on both ends of any case (i.e. Mother and Father), however I direct my comments in general to father's because I know the struggles of a father in regards to Child Custody and Child Support as I am one. I will never be able to provide a truly female perspective on the issue, nor do I ever intend to - I don't have the proper "equipment" and therefore lack the perspective, understand?

Background:

Well, after some years of dealing with the legalities and pain of the "system" in place for Child Custody as well as Child Support I think it's about time that I put together an informational type of blog regarding these topics. Mostly this will cover what I've learned and what I'd advise anyone to do. In that light, this post will be written as I intend it to be taken - as if I were talking to a friend taking their first steps into the above stated situation. As such, take this material as I intend it. Read the disclaimer. Treat this information as if it were a good friend of yours telling it to you. Not one person on this earth knows everything about your particular case, and not one person is going to have a guide designed specifically to fit you. Take the information I give, and adapt it to you.

I hope that the future generation of father's out there that have to go through the battles that I engage in today will not feel as helpless or powerless to action as I have. I hope that you will take action, and take ownership of the future that you CAN have with your child. Despite all the blockades and bias of the "system" in place today, you can fight it all, and you must for the sake of your child. Who would they become without you in their lives?

Without further delay, let's get into some of the more important steps you can take in the case that you have a child (or want a child) and are (or potentially could be) facing legal action whether it be Support or Custody.

Pre-Child Step - Know Who You Are Having Relations With!

This is probably one of the most innocent and misguided mistakes you can make all in the name of sexual relations. Know the person that you are engaging with. Are they on mood or personality affecting medication? Who are they and what are they like without the medication for extended period of time? Are both of these personalities and moods a person that you can see yourself with for the rest of your life, raising children in harmony? No? Protect yourself! Use a condom, insist that they use birth control, both partners screen for STD's, best case scenario - practice abstinence or get the hell out of this pointless relationship. Be intelligent enough to realize that even with all the protection that the world has to offer there are still no 100% guarantees. Know, know, know, know the person you are with.

This is totally a great reason to use this video, and it is SO true. "Don't Be Stupid - Protect Yourself!"

Post Child Steps

Step One - Get A Lawyer

This is going to be one of the most demanding, emotional, and possibly highest financially draining process you will ever encounter. Do NOT assume that you can do this without legal assistance. In my case, I didn't take my own advice that I offer now. I wish that I had. Despite whatever financial hardship you may be in now, or your concerns with the cost, or the type of person that your lawyer may be - get one. The most important thing that you need to remember about your lawyer is that they are YOUR lawyer. The second most important thing you need to know is that they do not become your lawyer without YOU agreeing to it. Be picky. Find someone that fits your personality, that you trust, that you feel good about. One important fact that you need to know is that you can terminate this relationship at any time as well. Make sure that your lawyer knows this. They are being paid by you - therefore you are their employer if you will. Would you pay someone or retain them as an employee if they continuously produced sub-par performance? Hell no! Pay attention to what they are doing, demand an itemized schedule of their costs, get their cost sheets up front, do NOT give them money until they work for you! Let me repeat that - do not give them money until they work for you! Any lawyer that wants "X" amount of dollars just to meet with you (consultation) in my eyes is garbage. This is their interview! Do you get paid to interview? Hell no! Why should they? Alright, I think you get the point. Get a lawyer, but pay attention to them. Make sure that they are doing the job they are being paid to do.

So you've got yourself some representation for every instance of this case (yes, take them to every hearing dealing with custody or support). What now?

Step Two - Know Your Enemy

My enemy? What the hell is this guy talking about 'my enemy'? Make no mistake - you are now at "war". Have any friends that want to take you to court? Any that are demanding money? Any that seek to create a schedule for you? No? Didn't think so. Your former significant other is your enemy. Do not be subdued into thinking anything less. Am I saying to disrespect them? Quite to the contrary, show them all the respect in the world. This is a person with the power to take you to court - they demand your respect and attention. What I'm saying is this : Get to know them better now than you ever did before.

• Know their history, present, as well as future. (Arrests, Drugs, Alcohol, Work, Mental/Physical Health, Religion, Counseling, Education, etc)
• Know their counsel - this may be their family, their lawyer, their friends, etc. Knowing this gives you the edge on what their next move may be. For instance - if their lawyer continuously "plays games" or sends you sloppy work, chances are this will reflect in the courtroom so be prepared for that. Is their friend potentially spying on you? Block them from your social networking sites, pay attention to your surroundings. Is their parent providing advice? Try and put yourself in their frame of mind. What would you say if you were their parent? What might you push them to do if you were their parent?
• Know their location. What are the schools like in their area? The bars? The universities? The crime? The churches? The neighbors? This information may give you a leg up in a custody battle. All proceedings from here forth are about one thing - what is best for the child. Which location is best for your child?
• Know their significant others. Is your ex dating or married or engaged to someone new? What do you know of them? Apply all advice for knowing your ex to this person as well to the best of your abilities.

I hope that you don't take this step for granted. If you have the financial means, I would suggest having your lawyer garner any legal documents regarding your ex that they can. I would further suggest hiring a private investigator as well to observe your ex - this may lead you to information you were not aware of and may play a pivotal role in any custody or support case.

Step Three - Know Your Rights!

You have just as many rights as your ex does. You can file for support and custody just as much as they can. You can file to modify or close a case just as much as they can. You can demand a neutral exchange site for your child just as much as they can. You can file for a PFA (Protection From Abuse) just as much as they can! The list goes on and on and on... Knowing these rights also lets you know what your ex is capable of accomplishing. Protect yourself and protect your rights by being pro-active. File first! Modify first!

Step Four - Document Everything

I mean EVERYTHING. That e-mail your ex sent you that didn't really have anything substantial in it? Save it, print it, file it. The letter you got from court? Save it, copy it, file it. The cost sheet of your lawyer? Save it, copy it, file it. Your previous or present legal issues (custody and support included)? Save them, print them, copy them, file them. Newspaper printouts regarding your child, ex, or yourself? Save it, copy it, file it. Your ex's social networking site? Save it, print it, file it. Vandalism you believe to be attributed to your ex or someone associated with them? Call the police, make a report, press charges if capable, copy report, file report. Phone calls between you and your ex or child? Write down details of conversation, copy, file. Receipts for gifts, payments, etc? Save, copy, file. Save, copy, file. Save, Copy, File. This is your new slogan. Every little thing no matter how insignificant it may seem can pay dividends in these types of cases. Keep an organized filing system, develop a "key" or "legend" for this filing system that the most simple-minded individual could navigate through with ease. Sort all files by date, keep them separated by year. Separate each file by category (Support, Custody, Lawyer, E-mails, Phone, Text, etc). Be diligent and thorough in this process as it will be a life saver. Start it immediately!

Step Five - Control Yourself

No matter how tempting it may be to fire back when your ex insults you or harasses you or physically harms you - keep your cool. Controlling yourself is extremely important. Let them be the ones that appear incapable of being responsible, of compromise, of control. Let them be the ones that face charges of assault, harassment, or at the very least have a dis-favorable eye cast upon them in court due to past actions. There's a phrase I've used for several years now, and it's most appropriate here - "Calm as a bomb". Be cool, calm and collected on the outside. Appear as if you are harmless, innate, incapable of action. Choose and calculate your explosions wisely! Understand that by appearing as if you are harmless, innate, and incapable of action that your ex does not expect you to take action of any kind. When they receive papers that you are taking them to court?

* BOOM *

Enjoy and revel in your unexpected, impossible explosion. Enjoy being prepared when they were not. Enjoy that you have the upper hand in a "system" designed to give you anything other than that - but be damn sure to keep it that way.

JFK Assassination

WARNING

WARNING

WARNING

EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT TO FOLLOW

First, let's be clear about all of this - no matter how you feel about the matter or what you believe we all need to take a step back and realize that a truly wonderful man was tragically killed serving his country. Please, be the classy readers and responders that I know you to be and show respect for President Kennedy and his family.

Also, as a sidenote there are some changes to the blog today. Among those is a poll at the bottom I'd appreciate you voting in. You may also subscribe and have my blog sent directly to you, as well as to the right you have the option to share a post on facebook or twitter. Enjoy.

You might be asking why I chose to do a blog regarding the Kennedy assassination, and rightfully so. It is a bit of an odd subject to cover, however I think it deserves some critical thought on all our parts. Hopefully this graphic content of our nation's history might serve to educate all who view it, deter any who might think such actions are "cool", and if nothing else bring some new perspective to your thought processes about November 22, 1963.

My inspiration came from watching the film JFK starring Kevin Costner, directed by Oliver Stone. Sure, it's a film and I get it - a good bit of it is dramatized to be interesting however there is still far too much controversy about that day for me not to have doubts and questions that I feel justify some public examination.

First and foremost, I think it's appropriate to discuss the area in which Mr. Kennedy was shot as this is the beginning of my personal doubts.



This view isn't the best, however it does provide some basic overlay and introduction of matters we'll be discussing further later in this post. I've got to be honest with you, I'm not entirely certain what the blue star with "0" in it represents, I can only guess - my best guess would be to say that this is the location of the start of the much maligned "Zapruder Film" that tracks the motorcade from it's turn onto fateful Elm Street all the way out of sight speeding away after the assassination. Speaking of the "Zapruder Film" that's why there is a yellow circle marked "Zapruder". That is where Mr. Zapruder was standing while he filmed the chaos. Note that he is in near vicinity to the "grassy knoll" and "wooden fence". This is important again for later discussions. The black circle marked "6th Floor Sniper Nest" is supposedly where Lee Harvey Oswald shot from in the Texas Book Depository building. The maroon colored dashes are obviously the route of the motorcade, and then we have the red stars, marked "1" and "3". Note there there is no "2". The star marked "1" is when Kennedy was first shot - this shot struck him in his upper back, went through the middle of his neck (very near where you might see a tracheotomy) and then struck the Senator seated in front of him in the back, through his chest, into his wrist, and then lodged in his thigh.

This shot is often referred to as the "Magic Bullet Theory" as evidenced by the following:

Why is it called the Magic Bullet Theory you ask? Well, some rather poor research to start with. The suggestion is that this bullet zig-zagged in the bodies of Kennedy and Senator Connally which is not all that uncommon - in fact one of the main reasons that a .22 caliber pistol is recommended for a self-defense handgun, however where it gets really tricky is this bullet is said to have curved in mid-air. This idea is preposterous. The reason that some think the bullet zig-zagged the way it supposedly did is as stated, due to poor research. In examination of the vehicle as well as the Zapruder film it is plain to see that Connally is seated a little to the left of, and slightly lower than President Kennedy and is also turned slightly to the right. Therefore, the shot rang true and straight, however I will concede that in my examinations, it does appear that it changes trajectory a bit within flesh. Again, that fact is not uncommon.

I think I'll let ya'll watch two versions of the Zapruder Film and then we'll continue with some more discussion. Mind you, these films are exactly identical, one is just more zoomed than the other.

- The First Zapruder Film



- The Second Zapruder Film



Now this is where things get extremely chippy. Right about frame #230 (0:10 seconds in the second film) and 0:08 seconds in the first film you can see where Kennedy and Connally were shot the first time. Kennedy raises his arms toward his neck, and is visibly grimacing in pain, simultaneously Connally also has a grimace of pain and you can tell that his jacket has been disheveled by something.

Here's something REALLY important that I bet you didn't notice the first time you watched the first film. It's only in the first film because it is not zoomed in, however I want you to do something for me. Take a look at the scenery outside, note that the president's car has it's roof off, note the bright sunshine, think about what weather is like in Dallas in November. Now, pay extremely close attention at about 0:04 to 0:07. Did you see it? No? Take another look, and pay close attention to the bottom right of the road sign. See it now? YES! It is a bright, top-down, Dallas day, no rain in sight, and there it is! Someone CLEARLY opens a black umbrella literally just before Kennedy is shot the first time. Don't you think that's strange?

Make no mistake - the man holding the umbrella is a signal man. Opening the umbrella meant the mission was a go. This right here is infallible proof that at the VERY least Oswald had one other person working with him. If you don't think so, I think you are awful naive my friend. We'll get into why I don't think Oswald had much of a role in the assassination other than maybe two shots at best, and just a blame man at worst later..

Worth mention from the Zapruder Film is also the fact that the driver slows down right before the fatal shot that Kennedy took to the head. I can't blame people for noting this, I can't blame them for thinking why didn't the driver just speed off at the first shot? If he had Kennedy might have lived! In reality though, do I believe the driver was part of a conspiracy to murder the president? In a word, no. It's understandable that he slowed after the first shot - there was commotion, he was looking backward to see if the president had been hit, also he was possibly giving secret service agents an opportunity to run to the car. A fatal error? Yes, absolutely - but in my eyes nothing more than that, an error.

From here taking a look at the film we can dispel the "Grassy Knoll Theory". As any good hunter will tell you, what you are looking at in the second shot (or rather - what you see) is a classic exit wound. Entry wounds simply do not have a large, explosive contact and then exit in a calm, singular fashion. It is in fact, just the opposite. Again, look at the overlay of the land. Mind you that as Kennedy is shot the second time he is nearly directly in front of Zapruder and the "Grassy Knoll Theory" generally states that someone fired from the fence behind the grassy knoll. This is impossible given that the exit wound is clearly facing the camera. Supporters of the "Grassy Knoll Theory" will also tell you to watch Kennedy's body movement and notice that he falls back and to the left. Pay a little bit of close attention and you can see that he visibly lurches forward first and then falls back and to the left. Now, more complex minds will tell you about muscle reactions and different aspects of the body to explain this, but I'll make it even simpler - remember that the car slowed down? As soon as Kennedy is hit the second time you can see that the car rapidly accelerates and is at the beginning of a rightward curve. The only way for his body to fall is back, and to the left.

Got that Grassy Knoll conspirators? You're out in my book.

Here I'll let ya'll have a look at the Nix Film, shot from the opposite side of the street as the Zapruder Film. Not much is noteworthy about this one but that it shows more easily the slowing and acceleration of the vehicle of the president.

- The Nix Film



Again, the slowing and then acceleration is a bit upsetting, but not all that unbelievable of a perfectly innocent person trying to do the right thing in a hard situation. So, all you out there that think the driver shot Kennedy or was part of the conspiracy to murder him - I'm sorry, but you're also out in my book.

Alright so I'm sure ya'll are wondering what my take on things is, eh? Well, we can begin with a better aerial photo of Dealy Plaza:


Now, compare the two aerial photos and then tell me - if you were in the 6th story corner window of the book depository building that Oswald was said to be in, what shot would you take? Would you take the three shots that were taken with the winding road of Elm Street (you can now see where shot "2" ended up by the red dot just before the underpass), or would you take the head on shot straight ahead? I know what any experienced hunter, let alone an ex-marine would do.

Here's my thoughts - maybe Oswald did take a shot, but he in my eyes only took two. One was a hit - the first shot that went through Kennedy and Connally, the second was the miss notated by the red dot near the underpass most likely as the car was speeding away. Perhaps that second shot was intended for Mrs. Kennedy, or perhaps it was another shot intended for the president. Who knows, all one can do regarding a missed shot is to guess.

Here's the kicker, or the big bang of my theory. A second shooter, and one from a higher angle. Now this is feasible from a few buildings rooftop, or one with a high tower. Take a look again at the second overview. From the book depository where Oswald was supposedly shooting from go up one building and to the right three. What do you see? Ahhh! A building with a rather high tower!

Here is my theory, complete with trajectory and a final impact where Kennedy was at the time of the fatal shot:

In my eyes, this shot makes the most sense in regards to the fatal headshot. If it was not from this building, then it was from high up in the building directly to its left. The animated picture that follows sheds light as to why this makes the most sense to me..



Taken directly from the Zapruder Film and an animation of just three frames in the film at the moment of impact clearly show an angled zone of destruction. The yellow arrows help to highlight this angle of impact. Furthermore, we can look at Mr. Kennedy's autopsy photos to help strengthen this theory.

The first is from the back of Mr. Kennedy's head. Clearly you can see the entry wound, but pay attention to where the entry wound really is. Does it look like it came from high and to the right or high and to the left? You be the judge for you, but in my eyes it is definitely high and to the left - thus ruling Oswald out for this shot. Furthermore supporting the high and left as opposed to high and right - if the bullet had come from the right, Jackie or another passenger would have been first and foremost absolutely covered in blood and matter, instead it is all nearly from bleeding out that the blood stains appear. Second - if it had come from the left Jackie or another passenger almost certainly would have been struck with whatever fragments were left of the bullet (they were not). Third - watch the Zapruder Film again, does it look like the spray of blood comes from Mr. Kennedy via a shot just slightly angled behind and to the left of Mr. Zapruder or more to the right? Fourth - go back to watching the Zapruder Film again and pay close attention to the location of Jackie's head and John's head from 0:10 until 0:12 in the first film. Notice that the shot comes as soon as she moves her head? Again - you be the judge for you - but I know where I lie.



The next picture of Mr. Kennedy's autopsy is rather conclusive to me of how the bullet progressed from the entry wound via a high and left shot.



So there you have it - my thoughts are at least two shooters and at least one signal man. Is that all there is to it? Certainly not. In my eyes this was a largely government conspiracy to execute a man who's idea's were not popular with "the good old boys". Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, maybe a little of both. I'll leave you with this one final image of Lyndon Banes Johnson, beside grieving widow Jackie Kennedy immediately after he was sworn in as president just ninety-nine minutes after John Fitzgerald Kennedy was pronounced dead.


Notice the wink from his comrade, and his wide smile. Seem free of guilt to you?



If any of you were alive at the time - what do you remember most about November 22, 1963? Where were you? What were you doing? What was going through your head?

My Cartoon Crushes

Another fun spin off from Erica Brindley's blog. My opposite perspective of my top five cartoon crushes. I think I have a healthy mix of bad and good girls, along with an exceptional touch of taste in the looks department. Most of these women have some pretty unique attributes that put them in the top five.

To view Erica's top five cartoon crushes, you can go here Personally, I think her list is a bit odd, but who am I to judge? We've both made lists of cartoon crushes for christ sake.

1. Lois Griffin (from Family Guy)


For starters, Lois is the classic girl next door. From there, she's a bad girl trapped in a good girl world. She's the mother of three and has the body of an eighteen year old. Biggest plus? She likes fat guys.

2. Jessica Rabbit (from Who Framed Roger Rabbit)


Jessica never really has to shy from a playboy bunny costume, it's just too perfect in so many ways. Legs from here to New Mexico certainly help too. It doesn't hurt that she's a bad girl that likes to play the crowd. My god, don't get me started on the garters and the form-fitting red dress either. Also, to quote #1 - "if she smokes, she pokes".

3. Mystique (from X-Men)


Come on now, a naughty girl that can become anyone? Is there even doubt as to why she belongs on this list?

4. Harley Quinn (from Batman)



This girl is just all about fun, no matter if it's good and clean or not so nice. You've got to love the fact that she's generally a good person, just too naive to see that she's stuck in a bad woman's world. To top it off, she is comfortable around guns and never short of a joke.

5. Leela (from Futurama)


The single eye is a little odd, but you can't knock her down for that. Leela has an amazing figure and loves to be either nude or dressed in cute outfits. She likes a geek too, so that's a bonus. It certainly doesn't hurt that Leela seems to have some bisexual tendencies too. To top it all off, she's a military girl in incredible shape.

Notable Cartoon Ladies Not Mentioned:

These are some of the cartoon women close to making my top five, most notable Marge Simpson. I almost feel bad leaving Marge off the list, she's a stand-by-your man type of gal that is just fine with any faults that he has. In the end, in my opinion Lois Griffin beat her out in the looks department and that's about all that kept her off the list. Betty Boop was a tough one as well, as she's just a fun loving, entertainer type gal that has an old-fashioned way about things. I figure the least honor I can do these women is mention that they weren't mentioned..

- Marge Simpson

- Emma Frost

- Jean Grey

- Betty Boop

The Twenty-Five Things Women Should Know

So, a friend of mine recently posted in her blog a list of twenty-four (not quite sure why she didn't make it to twenty-five) things that men should do. I thought this was response worthy, and so this will be the topic of today's blog. If you'd like, you can check out the list of things that men should do here. It's a pretty good read, so I'd recommend it. Also, there are a couple I reference from Mike, who is Erica's boyfriend. He also felt compelled to give a return list from the opposite perspective, so you can check out his list here.

Without further ado, here is my list of twenty-five things women should know:

1. Do not complain about money.

Alright, this one is pretty important. Regardless of the circumstances, we men do understand the problem. Money is the problem, and almost certainly we as a couple do not have enough of it. We already feel awful about it, since it's socially accepted that the man is the provider - so please ladies, we don't need to hear about it from you as it only hurts more.

2. Stand by your man.

Tammy Wynette has it right on the money. Look - we men aren't perfect. Hell, we're going to do and say things that are downright silly (See "dumb"), but damn it - stick with us. If we're arguing with family or friends or some stranger - support us. Not much in a relationship is more important than knowing that your partner has your back, even if you're wrong.

3. Trust us.

I've come to the realization at my ripe old age of 25 (ugh, that even hurts to type) that ladies just naturally are not full of trust. My advice? Can your genetically predisposed notion to assume that your guy is up to no good. Sometimes your gut might be right sure - but what if it isn't? You've just blatantly informed your man that you have no trust in him and that you aren't going to adhere very well to #2. Guess what baby, by that you've just made the expendable list.

4. Dress up just because.

I've go to agree with my friend Mike on this one. Sometimes it's just damn nice to come home and enjoy some eye-candy. Now, in my opinion dressing up doesn't need to involve clothes at all, it's the eye appeal that counts. However, don't take it for granted either - imagination is a hell of a thing to use to tease us with. Bottom line, what I'm saying here is to throw in some random days here and there that you have taken the effort to doll yourself up a bit just to please our male sensory needs.

5. Once we have you, mess with our heads.

Let's be clear about this - I do NOT mean mess with our heads in terms of making us think that we might lose you. No, what I mean here is stimulate our brains a bit. Make us again use our imaginations. Leave clue's about the house that lead to some fun "exercise" at the end, play a fun game of "guess what I'm not wearing today" every once in a while, give us a complex mathematical problem that corresponds in some way to the letters that spell out your most intense fantasy, etc, etc. The mind is a terrible thing to waste here ladies, particularly when it can lead to fun activities for the both of us!

6. Surprise us.

Be spontaneous in finding something we've wanted for a long time that is hard to attain and surprise us with it. We may not like diamonds and gold, but a surprise drill press in the garage is just as exciting to us as the latter is to you.

7. If you can beat us, do it.

This outdated idea that we're better at everything than you is annoying. Sure, we might be good at video games, but honey - if you can crush me at Madden I might have just found my future wife. Use your skills, don't be afraid to embarrass us, and rub it in when you do. It's hot. End of story.

8. Do the laundry.

I know, I know, I'm a sexist bastard. I get it. Laundry is awful. In reality, if it weren't for you wonderful women, it just wouldn't get done. Even if by some miracle it did, it wouldn't be done well. The truth is, we men just don't have the patience for laundry. We never will. We do not have the patience to take two hours out of our day folding towels and putting away under-garments. You're better at patience than we are, period. Can you ask us for a hand occasionally? Absolutely, and any good man will readily give you that hand - but please understand that your patience is what allows you to do this task on a regular basis and our impatience is what allows us men to bash things and curse at them and somehow make whatever it is work.

9. Let us open the door for you.

First - if your man isn't opening doors for you, or if that guy you have a crush on isn't waiting the extra two minutes for you to walk to the door he is holding open for you then get rid of the fool. This is our duty. It is non-negotiable. The equivalent to a man not being allowed (or refusing) to open a door for a lady is something similar to those nature shows you watch where an adult animal realizes they must give up and move on while their baby is being eaten alive. This is our responsibility to you regardless of our relationship, so don't scoff at it. Let me add however that if we do not receive a thank you and a smile in return that this is the only time a man is justified to slam that door right in your face the next time the opportunity presents itself.

10. Be a little catty.

Don't be a bitch by any means, but make it known that I am your man, even if you're just letting it be known in your head, believe me - we can pick up on the vibe. Case in point - my girlfriend was very polite in not raising an issue when a fairly attractive young woman was flirting a good bit while we were playing a game of pool. Quietly at our table she made it very apparent that I belonged to her and despite her gracious ability to allow this young floozy to flirt, if it went to far she was prepared to rip the poor little girl to shreds. All of this was done without saying a word until after the fact. Classic, stealthy cattiness that is a hell of a turn-on.

11. Contact.

Roughly scratch our backs, gently rub our heads, vigorously squeeze our shoulders. Forgive us if we drool and twitch our legs like a dog with an itchy spot in the process.

12. Accept the fact that we are visually stimulated.

Let's be quite frank here, we men appreciate a fine specimen of the female species. We try to be discrete about admiring these women out of respect for you. Realize that admiration is about as far as these glances go, and that if we are with you, then that is where our ultimate admiration lies.

13. Appreciate our quick thrills.

Ladies, we are gross creatures. We like to grope your buttocks and your breasts randomly for the pleasure of knowing that these wonderful parts of your bodies are ours to enjoy (with respect). We like to hop out of the shower and wiggle our "member" about to make you laugh. Yes, it's all kind of piggish, but in the end we men are brutes. If we weren't, you wouldn't love us as much as you do.

14. Do not "girl" the house.

If we wanted flower print wallpaper, we'd pick it. Meet in the middle with all decorations because we both have to live with them.

15. Say what you mean.

Communication is really important in any relationship, and clear, concise communication is extremely important if there is an issue. If you have something to say, do not respond with "Nothing" or "I'm fine" when we ask you what is wrong. If you give these types of answers and expect your man to be telepathic you have absolutely no right to complain when he still hasn't got what is bugging you three weeks later.

16. Be our partner in crime.

Another one stolen from my friend Mike, but a really important one too. We guys like doing stupid little things that break small laws. Eventually, we all grow up a bit and lose our partners (our equally dumb buddies) in crime to distance and time. Enjoy the thrill of stealing road signs or simple acts of vandalism with us. These activities lead to some great middle of the night explorations about the country and a lot of bonding and laughing. So please girls, come smash some stuff with us.

17. Don't try to make us be something we aren't.

This is vague for a reason - every guy is slightly different. For me, my thing is dancing. I love to slow dance, but absolutely cannot dance fast. I never will be able to and I despise when people try to make me. On the awkward flip side of this, it does not give you the right to grind with another dude. I hate to say it girls, but this is one time where you need to just suck it up.

18. "Nothing is wrong" literally means that nothing is wrong.

Sometimes a man is simply having a quiet moment to himself. Women are the ones who ordinarily like to discuss and plan the details of almost everything. When we are quiet, it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong - only that we are thinking or enjoying the moment.

19. I love you isn't always spoken.

Try real hard to notice the little things we do to say those three important words. The smallest, most unimportant task such as clearing your car of snow in the morning means a hell of a lot more than "hey, I just cleared the snow off your car."

20. Take care of yourself.

Yup, I'm gonna go there. Ladies, we men somehow make chubby look good, fat look OK, and well, obese usually just looks obese. I hate to tell you, but the female form does not do this. Sure, love-handles are just fine and a little bit of flab in the tummy area isn't a bad thing, but honestly - all of these things absolutely must be in moderation. Take care of yourselves, keep fit, and maintain a level of happiness and confidence in yourself that translates to sexy from the outside perspective.

21. Honesty is everything.

Tell us the truth about everything, regardless of how much it may hurt. Without honesty, there is no relationship.

22. All shoes look the same to us.

Sure, we can discern between "boot", "heel", "tennis shoe", and "sandal". The issue arises when you ask us to tell the difference between types of heels. Types of heels?? I'm confused even writing this.

23. Give us your size in everything.

Really, this is just a matter of courtesy that makes a ton of sense if you give it some thought. I started this with my current girlfriend and it has paid dividends. Given a Christmas or birthday or whatever situation - don't you want your man to be automatically equipped with all that information so that you don't have a clue as to what he's getting you?

24. Leave the childish fantasies in the past.

This is just annoying. Really, I don't want to listen to you rave about Justin Bieber or N*Sync or whoever. I listened to enough of that retardation when I was in high school, and unless you want to be treated as a high school girl, grow up a tad and leave boy-band-esque fantasies in the past where they belong.

25. Be a healthy mix of dirty and classy.

Every guy has their tastes, so mind you who you are on a more regular basis is probably the type of person that your man prefers, but don't be naive to the fact that people (yes, men are people) enjoy variety. Feel free to be a bit of a "skank" at times with your man, smoke a cigarette now and again, get blitzed and act a fool - or for the opposite type of lady - doll yourself up, insist on being taken to a high class restaurant, choose wine over beer. You get the point.

Let's Pick on the Bible a Bit, Shall We?

You just knew when I said in my one post "I'm probably by most people's definitions one of the worst examples or else not a christian at all" that this topic would come up, didn't you?



Well, here we are, and here we are going to discuss at length my issues with the Christian Bible.

Now first and foremost, I'm not going to sit here and discredit the bible completely. I think it's a neat book, it has a lot of good lessons and stories in it, but to be blunt and honest - it's a book, written by man to serve the needs of the time, and it is a fictional book.

Hey, if you want to sit here and believe that God created the Earth and all it's creatures in seven days - more power to you. If you want to sit here and believe that at one time we talked to animals as if we were talking to one of our friends - sure have at it. If you'd like to think that people used to live to be nearly one-thousand years old - right on, go for it.

That said, if you so choose to believe all of those things to be fact, well, I'm going to question your intelligence. In the light of all scientific knowledge and discovery if you still think that some divine power created the Earth and it's the only inhabited planet, frankly - you're an idiot. I'll give merit that we used to communicate with animals, but you know why we used to communicate with animals? Because we used to BE animals. Evolution my friends, get used to it, it's fact, it's well documented, and soundly proven. If you're going to sit here and tell me that man used to live for thousands of years, I'm going to consider you a fool based on pure and simple logic. People's lifespans are getting longer for a reason - medicine is advancing. Honestly, in "biblical" times, I'd be amazed if there were anyone over the age of forty.

So there you have it - I'm fine with anyone believing whatever they like to believe. Do I question it? Sure. Do I feel like you have to believe how I believe? Hell no, I ain't your baby's mama, do what you want. Am I going to critique your potential beliefs anywhere but this blog? Nope. Not going to harp on you, not going to criticize you, not going to even care to be honest. It's your life, live it how you want to.

BUT I ASK THAT SAME COURTESY IN RETURN. You can criticize, question, make fun of, or whatever at me all you want to here in this blog, but outside of it my business is "NONE-YA".

Alright, so I've got some controversial bible passages to dissect and digest a bit here, and these passages illustrate some reasons as to why I've got a big problem with the bible and taking it as "the word of God". A note here - I'm not going to point out the book, chapter, verse, and line of where these quotes come from because quite honestly - I don't give a rats behind. If you don't believe me, Google it, read your bible, do whatever. But they are there.

Passage #1 goes as follows:

"These things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly: But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."

Ok, so let's dissect this a bit. Here we have some rules in regards to women in the church. In no particular order or significance we've got

Rule 1: be good in the house of God
Rule 2: women - you may not speak
Rule 3: women - you may not teach
Rule 4: women - again, be quiet and recognize that you are below men
Rule 5: women - you can "save" yourself by having kids, being faithful, give to charities, and follow "God's" rules with seriousness

Right. So essentially ladies, in God's eyes - you are inferior to man, and you need to know your place. Got it? Good. Because it's bull. Throw it out, get rid of the notion, men and women are certainly equals in terms of spirituality. The interesting part of all this is that most "bible-thumpers" and the like will tell you exactly what I'm telling you now. That this passage was meant simply for the times, and does not apply to today's society. I'll expand on why this is so interesting later on..

Moving along we'll examine another passage regarding how all you females need to be.
Without further ado, Passage #2:

"I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shame-facedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection."

More rules for all you vagina-bearing humans.
Rule 6: women - All your clothes must be modest. No labels, no flattering cuts, no flashy colors. A drab brown potato sack is most likely best. Just be sure it covers past your knees.
Rule 7: women - You've got to wear a shameful face because you are a descendant of Eve, and she messed up by eating the apple. No smiling, simple, serious shame.
Rule 8: women - You've got to keep long, simple hair. No braids, no style, no volume, nothin'. Think "Sarah Plain and Tall".
Rule 9: women - No gold, no pearls. All those "shiny things" that ya'll drool over? Yeah they're out. Forbidden.
Rule 10: women - Nothing must be costly. No designer this or designer that. No expensive anything. Again, drab brown potato sack and nothing more. OK, maybe you can wear a single brown twine for a bracelet, but that's really pushing it.

Yup, more rubbish directly from the bible about how all you women need to be dressed, behaved, etc. So, again - throw it out. Again, and interesting passage to be explained further later.

Alright, so let's keep pounding on the women eh? That's fun, right God?
Passage #3:

"Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her as a covering."

So there you have it all you Justin Bieber fans - your four year old (lol) heart-throb is a sinner.


Yeah, I just did that. Bahaha!

All you gals with short hair? Yeah, unless you wear a Hijab - you're sinners too. Tom Brady? Well, did we really need the bible to tell us something ain't right about Tom Brady? Troy Polamalu - perhaps one of the most spiritual men on this planet, according to the christian bible is a sinner as well.

Moving along to the next part, we'll continue with the trend of beatin' up on the gals. Passage #4:

"If any man takes a wife, and goes in on her, and detests her, and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, 'I took this woman, and when I came to her I found she was not a virgin. But if evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..."

As my father always used to say: "Keep it in your pants". All you women out there that have had sex and aren't married be forewarned! According to the bible us guys can take you to daddy's door and not only can the husband, nay - the whole city of men can stone you to death. Say what you will about Sharia Law, but as Christians, we are just as gruesome.

Alright, I've found one that finally can at least apply to men as well as women. Sorry ladies, you're still under the (painful) eyes of the lord..
Passage #5:

"If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched."

Obviously, most sins are pretty well covered here, and this can be applied to both sexes. So basically, if you do something sinful, maim the body part you did it with and you'll be good in God's eyes. Limbless, blind, and brainless, but good.

Here's a kicker for all you bastards out there, of interest to me - my nephew.
Passage #6:

"One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord."

Yeah, it's harsh. You didn't do anything "wrong", your parent did - but you're still S.O.L. my friend. Note here that there is absolutely no hope for you, nothing you can do. Not a "hey if you do these things or that" you might be able to be saved. Nope, you simply "shall not enter". S.O.L.

Alright, we've got another one that can be applied to both sexes.
Passage #7:

"Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ."

"Slaves, obey your human masters in everything; don't work only while being watched, in order to please men, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord."

"Slaves are to be submissive to their masters in everything, and to be well-pleasing, not talking back."

"Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel."

Yeah, according to God slavery is kosher. No big deal. The problem arises when all you slaves start doing silly things like not working your skin off, disobeying, and revolting. Never mind that your master whips you for smelling bad because he doesn't let you bathe.. you still need to obey and be respectful. Guess that Civil War thing in America was all wrong eh?



Alright, so that's a bunch of passages that essentially rule the bible out for me personally. I'll continue with my examination regarding the first few passages I said that required more explanation. The reason I say they are so interesting is because as stated, most fundamentalist types will essentially tell you that those passages regarding women were just meant for the times. However, when you get into issues of homosexuality all the sudden all those words need to be taken as they are written without a damn about present times.

Nope, sorry. I disagree. I have gay friends who are just fine thank you. Dear lord, if you want to persecute them as all these fundamentalist bible-thumpers say you will, then you must also persecute the ladies, and if that's the way it's going to be - no, I don't have any interest in you or your alleged book of words.


Furthermore, to reiterate my problem of the bible as the printed word of God - the copyright! Take a look inside the cover. Does it say Copyright God or Yahveh or Christ or anything like that? Hell no it doesn't! Instead, you'll find stuff like this:

King James Version
Public Domain in America
New King James Version®
Copyright © 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Bible text from the New King James Version® is not to be reproduced in copies or otherwise by any means except as permitted in writing by Thomas Nelson, Inc., Attn: Bible Rights and Permissions, P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, TN 37214-1000.
New International Version
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
New American Standard Bible
Scripture quotations marked (NASB)taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation Used by permission.(www.Lockman.org)
English Standard Version
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Or even better, this little gem:



So right, you mean to tell me that God is just dandy with man copyrighting his work? I doubt it. Hell some fool that printed one blurb in a now-defunct magazine will sue your behind for plagiarism and illegal reproduction of their work. You think God wouldn't smite you over it? Please.

What am I saying here really? Do I think the Bible needs to be thrown out? Hell no. It's a cool book, it's got some good stuff and some bad stuff in it, and people seem to like it. What I'm saying is that all you "live by the book, die by the book" types out there that want to criticize and judge based upon your selected scriptures from the book need to open your eyes a bit to the real world, and what is actually written in there. You want to take it literally? Go for it, but don't pick and choose what pieces - you take it all. Else wise you're a bloomin' hypocrite. You want to tell me that it's a living book that changes over time?

Great - so is Aesop's Fables.

Steelers

The Steelers trump all, no blogs on game day.

Sorry!