The Twenty-Five Things Women Should Know

So, a friend of mine recently posted in her blog a list of twenty-four (not quite sure why she didn't make it to twenty-five) things that men should do. I thought this was response worthy, and so this will be the topic of today's blog. If you'd like, you can check out the list of things that men should do here. It's a pretty good read, so I'd recommend it. Also, there are a couple I reference from Mike, who is Erica's boyfriend. He also felt compelled to give a return list from the opposite perspective, so you can check out his list here.

Without further ado, here is my list of twenty-five things women should know:

1. Do not complain about money.

Alright, this one is pretty important. Regardless of the circumstances, we men do understand the problem. Money is the problem, and almost certainly we as a couple do not have enough of it. We already feel awful about it, since it's socially accepted that the man is the provider - so please ladies, we don't need to hear about it from you as it only hurts more.

2. Stand by your man.

Tammy Wynette has it right on the money. Look - we men aren't perfect. Hell, we're going to do and say things that are downright silly (See "dumb"), but damn it - stick with us. If we're arguing with family or friends or some stranger - support us. Not much in a relationship is more important than knowing that your partner has your back, even if you're wrong.

3. Trust us.

I've come to the realization at my ripe old age of 25 (ugh, that even hurts to type) that ladies just naturally are not full of trust. My advice? Can your genetically predisposed notion to assume that your guy is up to no good. Sometimes your gut might be right sure - but what if it isn't? You've just blatantly informed your man that you have no trust in him and that you aren't going to adhere very well to #2. Guess what baby, by that you've just made the expendable list.

4. Dress up just because.

I've go to agree with my friend Mike on this one. Sometimes it's just damn nice to come home and enjoy some eye-candy. Now, in my opinion dressing up doesn't need to involve clothes at all, it's the eye appeal that counts. However, don't take it for granted either - imagination is a hell of a thing to use to tease us with. Bottom line, what I'm saying here is to throw in some random days here and there that you have taken the effort to doll yourself up a bit just to please our male sensory needs.

5. Once we have you, mess with our heads.

Let's be clear about this - I do NOT mean mess with our heads in terms of making us think that we might lose you. No, what I mean here is stimulate our brains a bit. Make us again use our imaginations. Leave clue's about the house that lead to some fun "exercise" at the end, play a fun game of "guess what I'm not wearing today" every once in a while, give us a complex mathematical problem that corresponds in some way to the letters that spell out your most intense fantasy, etc, etc. The mind is a terrible thing to waste here ladies, particularly when it can lead to fun activities for the both of us!

6. Surprise us.

Be spontaneous in finding something we've wanted for a long time that is hard to attain and surprise us with it. We may not like diamonds and gold, but a surprise drill press in the garage is just as exciting to us as the latter is to you.

7. If you can beat us, do it.

This outdated idea that we're better at everything than you is annoying. Sure, we might be good at video games, but honey - if you can crush me at Madden I might have just found my future wife. Use your skills, don't be afraid to embarrass us, and rub it in when you do. It's hot. End of story.

8. Do the laundry.

I know, I know, I'm a sexist bastard. I get it. Laundry is awful. In reality, if it weren't for you wonderful women, it just wouldn't get done. Even if by some miracle it did, it wouldn't be done well. The truth is, we men just don't have the patience for laundry. We never will. We do not have the patience to take two hours out of our day folding towels and putting away under-garments. You're better at patience than we are, period. Can you ask us for a hand occasionally? Absolutely, and any good man will readily give you that hand - but please understand that your patience is what allows you to do this task on a regular basis and our impatience is what allows us men to bash things and curse at them and somehow make whatever it is work.

9. Let us open the door for you.

First - if your man isn't opening doors for you, or if that guy you have a crush on isn't waiting the extra two minutes for you to walk to the door he is holding open for you then get rid of the fool. This is our duty. It is non-negotiable. The equivalent to a man not being allowed (or refusing) to open a door for a lady is something similar to those nature shows you watch where an adult animal realizes they must give up and move on while their baby is being eaten alive. This is our responsibility to you regardless of our relationship, so don't scoff at it. Let me add however that if we do not receive a thank you and a smile in return that this is the only time a man is justified to slam that door right in your face the next time the opportunity presents itself.

10. Be a little catty.

Don't be a bitch by any means, but make it known that I am your man, even if you're just letting it be known in your head, believe me - we can pick up on the vibe. Case in point - my girlfriend was very polite in not raising an issue when a fairly attractive young woman was flirting a good bit while we were playing a game of pool. Quietly at our table she made it very apparent that I belonged to her and despite her gracious ability to allow this young floozy to flirt, if it went to far she was prepared to rip the poor little girl to shreds. All of this was done without saying a word until after the fact. Classic, stealthy cattiness that is a hell of a turn-on.

11. Contact.

Roughly scratch our backs, gently rub our heads, vigorously squeeze our shoulders. Forgive us if we drool and twitch our legs like a dog with an itchy spot in the process.

12. Accept the fact that we are visually stimulated.

Let's be quite frank here, we men appreciate a fine specimen of the female species. We try to be discrete about admiring these women out of respect for you. Realize that admiration is about as far as these glances go, and that if we are with you, then that is where our ultimate admiration lies.

13. Appreciate our quick thrills.

Ladies, we are gross creatures. We like to grope your buttocks and your breasts randomly for the pleasure of knowing that these wonderful parts of your bodies are ours to enjoy (with respect). We like to hop out of the shower and wiggle our "member" about to make you laugh. Yes, it's all kind of piggish, but in the end we men are brutes. If we weren't, you wouldn't love us as much as you do.

14. Do not "girl" the house.

If we wanted flower print wallpaper, we'd pick it. Meet in the middle with all decorations because we both have to live with them.

15. Say what you mean.

Communication is really important in any relationship, and clear, concise communication is extremely important if there is an issue. If you have something to say, do not respond with "Nothing" or "I'm fine" when we ask you what is wrong. If you give these types of answers and expect your man to be telepathic you have absolutely no right to complain when he still hasn't got what is bugging you three weeks later.

16. Be our partner in crime.

Another one stolen from my friend Mike, but a really important one too. We guys like doing stupid little things that break small laws. Eventually, we all grow up a bit and lose our partners (our equally dumb buddies) in crime to distance and time. Enjoy the thrill of stealing road signs or simple acts of vandalism with us. These activities lead to some great middle of the night explorations about the country and a lot of bonding and laughing. So please girls, come smash some stuff with us.

17. Don't try to make us be something we aren't.

This is vague for a reason - every guy is slightly different. For me, my thing is dancing. I love to slow dance, but absolutely cannot dance fast. I never will be able to and I despise when people try to make me. On the awkward flip side of this, it does not give you the right to grind with another dude. I hate to say it girls, but this is one time where you need to just suck it up.

18. "Nothing is wrong" literally means that nothing is wrong.

Sometimes a man is simply having a quiet moment to himself. Women are the ones who ordinarily like to discuss and plan the details of almost everything. When we are quiet, it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong - only that we are thinking or enjoying the moment.

19. I love you isn't always spoken.

Try real hard to notice the little things we do to say those three important words. The smallest, most unimportant task such as clearing your car of snow in the morning means a hell of a lot more than "hey, I just cleared the snow off your car."

20. Take care of yourself.

Yup, I'm gonna go there. Ladies, we men somehow make chubby look good, fat look OK, and well, obese usually just looks obese. I hate to tell you, but the female form does not do this. Sure, love-handles are just fine and a little bit of flab in the tummy area isn't a bad thing, but honestly - all of these things absolutely must be in moderation. Take care of yourselves, keep fit, and maintain a level of happiness and confidence in yourself that translates to sexy from the outside perspective.

21. Honesty is everything.

Tell us the truth about everything, regardless of how much it may hurt. Without honesty, there is no relationship.

22. All shoes look the same to us.

Sure, we can discern between "boot", "heel", "tennis shoe", and "sandal". The issue arises when you ask us to tell the difference between types of heels. Types of heels?? I'm confused even writing this.

23. Give us your size in everything.

Really, this is just a matter of courtesy that makes a ton of sense if you give it some thought. I started this with my current girlfriend and it has paid dividends. Given a Christmas or birthday or whatever situation - don't you want your man to be automatically equipped with all that information so that you don't have a clue as to what he's getting you?

24. Leave the childish fantasies in the past.

This is just annoying. Really, I don't want to listen to you rave about Justin Bieber or N*Sync or whoever. I listened to enough of that retardation when I was in high school, and unless you want to be treated as a high school girl, grow up a tad and leave boy-band-esque fantasies in the past where they belong.

25. Be a healthy mix of dirty and classy.

Every guy has their tastes, so mind you who you are on a more regular basis is probably the type of person that your man prefers, but don't be naive to the fact that people (yes, men are people) enjoy variety. Feel free to be a bit of a "skank" at times with your man, smoke a cigarette now and again, get blitzed and act a fool - or for the opposite type of lady - doll yourself up, insist on being taken to a high class restaurant, choose wine over beer. You get the point.